The Eye of the Tiger

So, yes. I have gained some of my lost weight back. After having See I just can't seem to shake it. Not to mention the stress I have been under at school, losing my dad, along with the trivial things everyone endures... go, me.

So I've decided to make some changes. I joined Weight Watchers and have been working out at the YMCA more religiously. I started doing one of those brutal Les Mills Body Combat classes (oh, sweet baby Jesus I just want to during them!) because my thinking is that the movement-rich classes will help get me on my way to my goal. It's not the same thing over and over, and there is constant, and I mean CONSTANT movement. Here is a (crappy) video of a small segment. 

Now, I realize you watch that video and if you know me, you are laughing your ass off. That's okay, it's ridiculously funny. No, I take that back. There are mirrors lining the entire room that the class is in, so it's actually quite sad. I bet you have never seen a bag of turkey gravy randomly kicking around and periodically jogging. Put a wig on top and some Asics and viola! Yeah, it's not pretty I'm afraid.

The first time I went to class, I was kinda scared because I didn't know what to expect. I knew it would be hard because... well... I'm fat. But I had no idea HOW hard. I really thought I would be better prepped as when I go on the elliptical, my routine is 50-60 minutes long. Yay, the class is 55 minutes! Awesomesauce!

No! There is nothing awesomesauce about the class except for the exhiliaration you feel when it's over and you can go melt into a puddle in the locker room. The instructor was about 10 feet tall and she was practically see-through she was so thin. But she was very nice, and helpful to the couple of newbies in the class. She was pleasant to hear, inasmuch as you feel anything is pleasant during class. My first class was on a Wednesday, and by the next class, Friday, I was still too sore to do it again.

Friday I opted for the less strenuous elliptical workout. It went well, I got my 60 minutes in and then was still able to go to the zoo Saturday with the family and not feeble around.

I went back to BodyCombat this morning. Different instructor (the previous one only teaches the class W/F) and I was not as fond of her. She seemed nice but one of those crazy energetic people that you just kind of want to drop-kick. ;) So I am thinking about doing cycling on Mondays instead, since I left her BC class with a headache from her shrieking and yelling. 

But the cycle class is at EIGHT IN THE MORNING. Guh, we'll have to see. That's really early. Maybe I'll stick with Zumba the class right before BC. I mean, I am up and awake at 8:00 a.m., but I am not coherent enough to follow directions other than "pour coffee into cup," much less get dressed and go to the Y.

But today I was reading some inspirational stories on the Weight Watchers website. Something about Katharine's story really spoke to me, but not in that weird creepy ghostly sort of way.

I wasn’t overweight before graduate school, but I gained weight while pursuing my PhD.

I lived my life “above the neck," focusing on others and my intellectual work, first as a graduate student and then as a psychologist working with people affected by HIV. I was proud of my accomplishments and loved my work, but I was deeply unhappy with my body. I ate to cope with the occasional challenges of being a young faculty member, to participate in family rituals (I’m a Southerner, after all), and to cope with the grief of losing clients who died from their HIV disease.

Food is not the answer
I got in shape, including training for and participating in an Avon three-day 60-mile walk for breast cancer in 2002, and walking the Honolulu Marathon in 2004. But I didn’t change my diet, and so I remained heavy, with a BMI in the “obese" range and with mildly elevated cholesterol. Then in January 2007, my dad, who was a huge part of helping me become a smart and independent woman, was diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. The anger and stress I felt were overwhelming. One day while he was in hospice care and I knew we were going to lose him, I was so upset I went out for pizza. As I sat eating the pizza in a daze, I realized that I couldn’t make this go away with food. My dad was going to die whether I ate pizza or not. Dad fought courageously, but died in July 2007. I tried to keep my head up, thanks to the support of many wonderful friends, but the next few months were extremely hard, and I ate to cope with my grief.

Then, I had an important realization. I knew that I could best honor dad by making the right choices for my own health, so I recommitted to Weight Watchers Online and started following the POINTS® Weight-Loss System (I had been a subscriber before but hadn’t stuck with it). I also started a running program, began lifting weights and doing crunches and push-ups, and most importantly stayed with the plan. I kept track of everything I ate using the online POINTS Tracker, and ate as many fruits and vegetables as possible during the day. I spent a lot of time on the Message Boards and made new friends who were invaluable encouragers along the way.

Perfectionist no more
I had difficulties along the way. The hardest part was learning to let go of my perfectionist nature. I needed to learn not to get angry with myself if I went off-plan for a week, to simply pick right up where I left off. I had to learn to set limits and stick to them and find balance. I further learned to be grateful for the food I ate. Taking time to appreciate all of the effort that goes into making a meal made me able to slow down when I was eating it.

Today, my BMI is normal, my blood work is normal, and my resting heart rate and blood pressure put me in an "athletic" classification. Now, in my role as an associate dean in a graduate college of public health, I feel I am a much better example of good health for everyone with whom I work and live. I am studying to become certified as a personal trainer, and plan to use my training as a psychologist, my experience with Weight Watchers, and my knowledge about fitness training to become a fitness and life coach for others who are wanting to improve their fitness and must work through body image and emotional issues along the way. I am stronger, happier, more energetic, and am sure that I am on my way to my best decade so far.

I am an emotional and a social eater. I will do great on my own for a little while, then go out with friends where I blow it. Or something stressful comes up and I blow it. I am trying not to put myself in the positions where I am "at risk" to blow it.

I actually am looking to run. No, really. I'll wait until you stop laughing.

Done? Cool.

So I have set a personal goal for myself to run the Rock N' Roll San Antonio Marathon (& Half... that "half" is pretty important!!) in November. I'd like to shoot for the full marathon, but I plan on the half for now. I've never done anything like that in my entire life. I've never been a runner - ask anyone who went to school with me. Or knows me now. Or has heard of me.

Besides that, it benefits the Susan G. Komen Foundation. I have boobs, I can back any sort of support for them. ;)

So, that is where I am at right now. Love it or leave it, I've got to work on me. :)

Comments

[Amber]

Lynn, you are totally inspiring!!! There's so much more I want to write, but don't have the time to do it right now, but had to tell you that!