6:05 AM - Parental alarm rings to start day. Snooze button hit.
6:15 AM - Alarm rings again. Think about hitting it again. Get up and shuffle to bathroom to potty and brush dragon breath away.
6:18 AM - Start initial round of Operation Child Wakeup, which is met by slight stirrings and a small groan.
6:19 AM - Start Elixir of Life brewing. Because hoooooo boy, gonna need it.
6:20 AM - Decide if a lunch will be packed or if school lunch will be purchased.
6:21 AM - Round 2 of Operation Child Wakeup, which is met by rolling over and mumbling something about cereal. When asked what kind, "Mmmarrgghhfruityroundonesmmmmgggg," is the reply.
6:22 AM - Wash travel coffee mugs and make Jay's so he can go to work. Unlike the child, he is up and getting dressed for the day.
6:23 AM - Fetch child from her bed and seat her, sleeping, at the kitchen table with bowl of "fruityroundones" and orange juice. Decide that lunch will be purchased at the school.
6:24:09 AM - Pack healthy snack, get chastised for not including cheese-and-crackers as well as apple.
6:24:48 AM - No, not THOSE cheese-and-crackers. The ones with the little red knife-stick-thing.
6:25:10 AM - "Mom, did you know that I read my babies FOUR stories last night? They were AWESOME yesterday and they earned it. Then, I read myself a story, because I was also AWESOME and I earned it."
6:25:25 AM - "Wow, that's great honey. Eat your cereal."
6:25:27 AM - "Do you know what sound two O's make, Mom? They make the 'oooooooh' sound. But sometimes they make the 'uuhh' sound. If there is a silent E at the end, it makes the 'uuhh' sound. I don't really like words that have the 'uuhh' sound."
6:25:38 AM - "Me either. Eat your cereal."
6:25:42 AM - "Mom, yesterday I had fun at Burger King playing in the playplace. I am going to be SO GOOD this week and earn all my tickets so I can go somewhere else fun this weekend! I'm going to get all stickers at school, too! Miss G is going to be so proud of me! And you and Daddy, too. Because..."
6:26:01 AM - "EAT.YOUR.CEREAL. Please." Smile warmly at child.
6:26:03 AM - Child stares at parent as if to say, "Why, Mother, do you want to squelch my creativity?" Child takes a bite of cereal.
6:26:12 AM - After three crunches of cereal, child proceeds, with cereal in her mouth. "...because you guys want me to be good and listen to directions. Except I don't always do that and sometimes when Ella talks to me in class I talk back to her and then we both get in trouble because Miss G..."
6:26:21 AM - Mommy repeatedly bangs head on kitchen island.
6:28 AM - Ess knocks cup of orange juice over. Shuffles off to bathroom to clean up.
6:30 AM - Check on child, who has not yet come out of the bathroom. She is making faces at herself in the mirror and has not yet washed up from orange juice incident. Urge child to get a move on.
6:32 AM - Child emerges from bathroom. "Mommy, I had to poop which is why I took so long. Did you know that everyone poops? Even birds! And dogs. Sometimes there is dog poop in the grass when we go check the mail and it's really gross. I wish people would pick up their dog poops so that kids can play in the grass and not get poop on their shoes."
6:33 AM - It's way too early for poop talk. Tell child to go get dressed for school, clothes are on the couch. "I wanted to wear my RED shirt, mom! The one with the dog on it!!" Fetch red shirt.
6:34 AM - "Am I bringing lunch or buying it?" Buying it. "But Lauren is bringing lunch today and I told her I would, too!!" Take a deep breath and head over to kitchen and get bologna sandwich parts going. "Awww, Mom! Can't I have PBJ??" Another deep breath, count to ten, put bologna away and get jelly out of refrigerator.
6:36 AM - Child runs into kitchen with no pajamas on, but no clothing either. "Mom! I just saw the coolest thing! I can wiggle my big toe on its own without wiggling the other ones! Look!! I'm going to go show Dad!!"
6:36:45 AM - Bite tongue because "they are only this age once."
6:41 AM - Finally, child is dressed. Let's go brush your hair.
6:43 AM - Try to calm child down from crying jag because a knot was in her hair and it was accidentally not brushed gently enough. Try NOT to wake baby sister up, as bathroom shares a wall with nursery.
6:45 AM - Tell child to work on chore cards before school. The first chore is to make her bed.
6:52 AM - Check on her because there has been no peep from her. She is on the floor of her bedroom, brushing her stuffed cat, bed still unmade. "Mom, Tabby was crying because I left him in here by himself. Now I am trying to brush his fur. Will you take care of him while I am at school?" Of course. "I'll write down a list of instructions for you so that..." MAKE. YOUR. BED. Please. Smile warmly at child.
6:55 AM - Bed is made. Ask child to work on next chore. Brush teeth!
6:58 AM - Check on child. She is in the bath room with toothbrush, no toothpaste on it, using toothbrush as a microphone and singing "Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star" like a rock star. Starts putting toothpaste on brush as soon as she sees I am peeking in the bathroom.
7:00 AM - "Mom, I got toothpaste on my shirt." Change shirts to original shirt chosen before the red one with the dog on it.
7:01 AM - Ask child to get shoes on for school. "Can I wear my sparkly twinkly ones?" No, your teacher has asked us to not have you wear those to class because they distract everyone. "Aww, man! Okay, I'll wear these bright green ones! Grandma Ess got me these for Christmas, and I love them. They have so many bright colors. Mom, do you know what the upside-down V is for? It's... it's for.... it's for when you.... it's for when you forget to.... it's for when you forget to put a word in.... it's for when you forget to put a word in a sentence and you put that there and put the word you forgot on top of that so people know you forgot it." Close eyes and count to twenty.
7:03 AM - "Hahahahahahaha, Mom!!! I forgot to put socks on!! Tee-heeee!!" Grip coffee travel mug and consider pouring rum in it.
7:04 AM - "Mom! Where are my socks with toes??" Keep it down, I don't want to wake your sister up. They are all dirty, I will wash them today. "Okay, I'll wear these other socks. Look!! It has a hole in it!! Teee-heeeeeee!!!" Grab holey sock and get a pair out for child to put on. Usher child to front door to get shoes on. Again.
7:08 AM - "Whoops!! I meant to put on my bright green shoes, not these ones with the hearts on them! I'll change them..." NO. The heart ones are fine. "Okay!" Get your coat on. "Which one?" "The big one, it's cold outside. "Can I wear my gloves, too?" No, you and your sister play with them and now I can't find one of them. "Aww, can you buy me another pair?? It's cold outside!"
7:12AM - Sign school folder and pack it in child's backpack. "Don't forget that this week is pizza week, Mom! We need to order pizza on Wednesday so that my school can get money for stuff like books and soccer balls!" Okay, thanks for telling me. "Our soccer balls at school are old and worn down. Lots of kids like to play with them and one time, I kicked the ball and it went WOOOOOSSSHHHHHH all the way to the other side of the playground!!! It was crazy!!" Fantastic, let's go get Daddy, it's time to go.
7:16 AM - Kiss Daddy and child, send them to work and school, respectively. Breathe a sigh of relief and exhaustion. Look at sink of dishes, head back to bed.
7:19 AM - Lie down, get comfortable, start to doze.
7:21 AM - "MOMMMMMYYY!! I want TOAST!!!" rings over the baby monitor.
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